Land I start with a story. Last year I ended my 23rd Single sequence, and let someone come into my life. He was sweet, smart, and someone I thought I had a lot in common with. In the beginning, when things were at the PG-13 level, life was good. But like most 21st century couples, things moved pretty quickly in the boudoir. However, as we walked through all of the bases, I remember being struck by an overwhelming sense of disappointment. Friends I confided in telling myself to be patient because women, unlike men, “needed time”.
I’m not going to lie, he tried. In fact, he always made a point of letting me know he was making an effort. After a few unsuccessful attempts, I started to believe that something was wrong with me. Women, after all, have to apologize for everything. One day, when he was trying “very hard” to pleasure I found him looking at me with an “I’m giving up” expression. Rather than spending the next 15 minutes feeling guilty, I told him to stop. He happily agreed, but not before telling me, “It worked with other girls. It’s just you. “
I remember feeling like I had been slapped in the face. I cared deeply for him and it was, I believed, something that I could make peace with. Finally we made it to break up – for several unrelated reasons – but this statement continues to gnaw at me.
“Why can’t I have a Orgasm? ”I asked Google, hoping the All Knowing One could give me some relief. The first links told me I couldn’t because I wasn’t relaxed enough. Well, no shit. I’m naked my lower regions are left to someone else’s mercy and all I can think about is if I should be scream okay like they do in porn. Others have told me that the big O is one of those things in life that is not easy to find. Alright, sure. Difficult, not impossible. I mean, climbing Everest is tough and people have done it… But, Google blew me away with the statistics: men have conquered the moon, but not quite the chamber, it seemed. Seventy-five percent of women agree with me.
Three quarters of the world’s female population never make the trip to the land of happiness. Doesn’t that seem unfair to you?
A few months ago, a friend told me that in all the years that she had been sexually active, no man had ever been able to make her come. “On the other hand,” she sneered, “if I take things in my own hands, five minutes, man! Now, if you think she speaks only for herself, consider this: made by CAM4 asked the same question, and their study found that over 70 percent of women achieve orgasm through masturbation. Deal concluded, no refund policy required.
Now, one could argue that when a partner is involved there is a sense of intimacy and that it is absurd to reduce sex with a loved one to mere gratification. No one is suggesting that you rush straight to the cashier. No, please take your time to explore all the aisles. Explore every nook and cranny, consider trying new things (remember, consent is sexy), and enjoy the trip. The problem arises when the partners are enthusiastic cutlets who just like to grab whatever they can and walk away, while the poor woman finds herself stranded in the personal care section. The penis is not a wand: You can’t just flip through it and expect magic to pass through a woman.
Another weird flex that men tend to have is assuming porn is a sort of encyclopedia of sex. It’s not. Please forget everything you learned while watching porn. If you think women in porn have as many orgasms as Bappi Lahiri has gold chains, you’ve fallen into one of the oldest tricks in the book. Michael Castleman, an expert who writes for Psychology today, spoke to several pornstars, none of whom said they had ever climaxed on camera, no matter how long the intercourse was.
“Why can’t I have an orgasm?” I asked Google, hoping the All Knowing One could give me relief.
The road to the elusive orgasm is paved with some pretty basic biology. The greatest concentration of nerve endings that trigger orgasms in women is found in the clitoris. Do you remember your teacher going through the reproduction chapter? Don’t worry, they haven’t mentioned the clitoris either. So, I suggest you create a “Better Sex To-Do List” and write “NUMBER ONE: FIND THE CLITORIS”. Don’t be a Columbus in a Google Maps world. Find out exactly where you’re going, instead of wasting your time at sea.
Men who engage in sexual activity finish 85% of the time, and that’s great news. Unfortunately, most men don’t seem to want to spread love. In fact, a investigation by Cosmo reveals that 72 percent of women have been in that awkward situation where their partner climaxed and made no attempt to help them end. The general rule here should be that if you want her to play with your rod, you better be ready to go fishing.
You may not be successful every time. Its good. But, if you think you should receive some kind of thank you gift for showing up at the party, you are wrong. If things aren’t working out, try to find what you can improve. But for god’s sake, don’t act like you know best. Try new things, new positions, maybe even look for sex toys. Don’t panic, study shows women reach orgasm 51-60 percent time with assisted sex (with hands or a vibrator).
There is so much information about female orgasm, it’s overwhelming. Yet most of the articles continue to put the burden on the woman. Some say sex is more emotionally complicated for women, others blame the woman self-esteem. You, too, could be like them: pretend you’re Barney Stinson reincarnated, and suppose the women fall on their own for a chance to enjoy 15 seconds of sex with you. Or you can make an effort to see where you go wrong. What if 67% of women are simulate orgasms, there is probably something wrong.
Maybe you could start with a conversation? If you are mature enough to have sex, you should be smart enough to tackle things head on. Every man should know that he has the power to make a woman’s eyes roll in his life so far that she sees the stars. All you have to do is ask, “Do you want a finger with that?” “